I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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