i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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