Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
