i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
