hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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