he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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