There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I enjoy the company of your penis
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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