Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
