yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
