Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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