Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
