sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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