Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
