he puts the penis in happiness.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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