She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
