I need to stop coming to work sober
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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