my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
