im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
