Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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