When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
