True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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