after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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