Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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