every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
