I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
