i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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