Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just had sex on a roof
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
