So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
