That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
