In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
