Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
