i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
