he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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