i barfeds in our rink
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
