u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
