I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize