Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
