Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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