hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
