didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
