Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
