I accidentally burped into my bong.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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