Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have fence marks all over my body
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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