Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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