So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Randomize
