I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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