I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
