I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
