I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
