mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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