He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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