This girl is more easily done than said...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
