just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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