I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
