You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
