I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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