Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize