How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
