and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
