the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
