i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
