Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
