if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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