I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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