dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So here I am, sexting at work.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
