Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Blood and glitter go together right?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
