So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
